YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
