New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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