The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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