Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
