oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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