If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
try to milk me bitch
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
