I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
