just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
