It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
