I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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