I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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