you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
