awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
