Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
