Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
