at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
