i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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