i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
