If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
