Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My bed smells like the plague
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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