we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
