is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
