I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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