My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
