Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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