i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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