escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
