Need sex. Gaining weight.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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