worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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