she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
