see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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