a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
