So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
