Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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