Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
