there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize