Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
