Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
