i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
