We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
