Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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