I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
