Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
