Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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