Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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