is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
