What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
