Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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