We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we're making bets on your personal life
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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