I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry about my life...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
