I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize