another moral hangover. fuck.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
