I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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