all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
