Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
