I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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