He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think my moral compass just broke
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize