Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
