epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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