Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
