So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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