Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
