Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
