we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
