halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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