Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
