I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize