Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
