I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
