I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
