i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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