Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
