guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
