Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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