normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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