just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You smell like stripper and shame
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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