Porn is love you can see.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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