I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
