That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
