i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my being single is dangerous.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
