what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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