You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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