Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
