Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
