Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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