I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
