She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
