Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
