why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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