This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
