That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
