My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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