But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
