if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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