I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Someone signed my nipple.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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