every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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