he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
