Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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