69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
