i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
